| (no subject) |
[Sep. 26th, 2007|12:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thirsty | ] |
okay. any internet survey veteran has probably been asked if they believe in love at first sight. chances are if you're reading one, it will be followed by the condescending suggestion that such a thing is absurd and/or impossible.
why? you've never seen anything you loved right away? its generally how animal lovers describe their pets. i can assure you its how atleast 90% of musicians would describe their first instrument. or atleast the instrument after that.
obviously no one gains great insight into a person, shares experiences, has the slightest idea what they may or may not have in common, or cares deeply about someone upon the first sight of them. certainly we can all agree thats never happened. i dont really think anyone ever suggested such a thing.
surprisingly (i guess) there are lots of couples that will tell you they "just knew." what do they mean by that if they aren't idiots? are they lying?
full disclosure: i have to admit i believe in soul mates, and there are plenty of people that dont. fair enough.
that said, im not so sure the word "love" in the case of "love at first sight" should be taken literally. it implies a certain, specific, memorable, and unique moment that became a marriage, and that over an undisclosed period of time, they fell in love with each other, as well as learned to love each other, which i'd argue takes a life time.
translation/proposed rewording: "head over heels from the moment we met" would probably be more appropriate but sounds gay, whereas "love at first sight" can conceivably maintain a masculine connotation.
i'll come back to this |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 13th, 2007|04:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
i dont get it.
why is it that so many people that dont believe in god or even choose not to believe in god seem to believe either he or the idea of him is deserving of ridicule.
i woke up recently to some idiots rant about christians with no brains and naive and stupid etc
and the guy concluded his rant by publicly announcing what he did with jesus. suffice to say he was kissing and telling.
now i wasn't offended, i never am. its not my problem if someone wants a cheap laugh ridiculing what they dont believe in. its not my problem if they ridicule me or someone else for believing it. and i guess its pretty badass to sacrelige or blaspheme a deity. speaking truth to power you dont believe in.
there is a band, by the way, called "eyehategod." if anything is deserving of ridicule, its the daring imagination behind that name.
why do so many people that dont believe in god feel the need to insult him, even as opposed to insulting those that believe in him?
i dont believe in buddah. i understand he existed, but i dont much care what he had to say. and infact i find his religion silly. but what does it serve me to indulge my sexual fantasies with buddah on a myspace bulletin? what did he ever do to me?
and this is where im confused. there are people that seem to clearly believe or acknowledge the idea of god, but decide he's deserving of ridicule. either at the fault of some idiot who happened to be a christian, or because they felt he wronged them somehow.
then there are the folks that are just eaten up on a daily basis by the idea that other people worship god, and know these people are crazy and must be stopped.
im not really sure though, whats so bad about either god, or jesus, from anyones perspective. apparently it involves having followers, worshippers, or disciples. also, loving thy neighbor is infact, a sin.
i saw a quote that seemed to sum it up. "no one likes a loud atheist any more than a bible thumping christian."
i do resent the term "bible thumping" though, as much as i do the people it applies to, because it implies there's something wrong with reading the bible a lot.
listen. its not christians. its people. people of all colors and creeds and/or denominations are idiots. im not going to bother with the argument that there are all these hypocritical and self righteous christians, because its not unique to christianity. of course there are hypocritical and self righteous christians. i would argue though, having read the satanic bible (christians are clearly incapable of being open minded), that satanists can certainly be self righteous. as can atheists. as can anyone.
and why thats the fault of god, im not sure. people point to the crusades, and the witch burnings, and probably thousands of incidents of religious fanatics and blame them on god. this is like calling cult leaders that claim to be jesus, jesus. or comparing mother theresa to the ku klux klan. its entirely comparable to calling muslims terrorists, which i am certain a large portion of religious people in this country do, and which arguing atheists will argue.
again, this is a curse of idiocy and ignorance, a failing of people, and not the fault of god or christians, religious people or their deity's. there are lots of people i dont much care for. plenty of them christians. idiocy does not discriminate and neither do i.
i just dont see a reason for any of it. i dont push my beliefs. i respect others'. i dont even expect anyone to respect mine. but it irritates me as much as having faggot shouted at me in church, to hear someone make a joke at the expense of something they dont believe in.
its cowardly to throw a profanity or be sexually explicite toward god or jesus, for shock value, if you dont even believe in the same consequences the person you're shocking does. this is probably why you dont see christians saying "fuck the devil" or anything of the kind. also, the devil is the devil, and by virtue of the very idea of the devil, i think he's deserving of some unkind words. whereas jesus believed he was dying for the very people that scorn him.
im just saying, give the guy a break already. |
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| a series of surveys to tell me how cool i am |
[Jun. 20th, 2007|05:17 pm] |
| You Are An INFP | 
The Idealist
You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.
In love, you tend to have high (and often unrealistic) standards.
You are very sensitive. You tend to have intense feelings.
At work, you need to do something that expresses your personal values.
You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.
How you see yourself: Unselfish, empathetic, and spiritual
When other people don't get you, they see you as: Unrealistic, naive, and weak |
| You Are Olive Green | 
You are the most real of all the green shades. You're always true to yourself.
For you, authenticity and honesty are very important... both in others and yourself.
You are grounded and secure. It takes a lot to shake you.
People see you as dependable, probably the most dependable person they know. |
| You Are 92% Tortured Genius | 
You totally fit the profile of a tortured genius. You're uniquely brilliant - and completely misunderstood.
Not like you really want anyone to understand you anyway. You're pretty happy being an island. |
| Your Values Profile | 
Loyalty:
You value loyalty highly.
You're completely devoted to your friends and family.
Even if they totally screw up, you're still there for them.
Just make sure they're equally loyal to you!
Honesty:
You value honesty a fair amount.
You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it.
If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it.
In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity."
Generosity:
You value generosity a fair amount.
You are all about giving, as long as there's some give and take.
Supportive and kind, you don't mind helping out a friend in need.
But you know when you've given too much. You have no problem saying "no"!
Humility:
You value humility a fair amount.
You tend to be an easy going, humble person.
But occasionally your ego takes over.
You have a slight competitive streak - and the need to be the best.
Tolerance:
You value tolerance a fair amount.
You are open to new cultures, beliefs, and ideas.
You have very few prejudices that you're aware of.
And while you are tolerant, you do stand true to what you believe. |
| Your Five Factor Personality Profile | 
Extroversion:
You have medium extroversion.
You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."
Conscientiousness:
You have medium conscientiousness.
You're generally good at balancing work and play.
When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.
Agreeableness:
You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.
Neuroticism:
You have medium neuroticism.
You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.
Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.
Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of.
Openness to experience:
Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything. |
| You Are 56% Intuitive | 
Your intuition is often right, and you use it more than you may realize.
Your gut feelings are usually a good guide, but you need more to go on when making a decision.
You'll often check to see if the facts back up your feelings.
And when your intuition is wrong, you work to improve it for the future. |
| You Are a Auditory Learner | 
You tend to remember what you hear, and you have a knack for speaking well.
You excel at debating, foreign languages, and music.
You would be an excellent diplomat - or rock star! |
| You Are a Dreaming Soul | 
Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult
You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.
Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul |
| The Part of You That No One Sees | 
You are balanced, peaceful, and sincere.
You're the type of person who goes along to get along.
And you're definitely afraid of rocking the boat.
Underneath it all, you fear your world falling apart.
You'll put up with a situation that you don't like in fear of changing it.
Disruptive and forceful people intimidate you - and sometimes exploit you. |
| You Are a Night Person | 
For you, there's nothing worse than having to get up and moving early.
In fact, you probably don't hit your peak until well after the sun has set.
So if your struggling to make it on a normal schedule, realize it's not your fault.
You just weren't meant to do anything during the day! |
| Your Five Variable Love Profile | 
Propensity for Monogamy:
Your propensity for monogamy is high.
You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person.
And in return, you expect the same from who you love.
Any sign of straying, and you'll end things.
Experience Level:
Your experience level is medium.
You probably have had a couple significant loves.
And you may have even had your heart broken.
But you haven't really dated a wide variety of people.
Dominance:
Your dominance is low.
This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced.
You know a relationship is not about getting your way.
And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom.
Cynicism:
Your cynicism is low.
You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance.
No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter.
You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate.
And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon.
Independence:
Your independence is low.
This doesn't mean you're dependent in relationships..
It does mean that you don't have any problem sharing your life.
In your opinion, the best part of being in love is being together. |
|
|
|
| on writing |
[Jun. 13th, 2007|07:28 pm] |
i like to write. anyone that reads this (-.04 people) probably knows that. unfortunately (for me) i haven't been able to do it for about two years. why? i dont know. such is the mystery. i only know i can't. regardless, i've tried. in that two years i've (with limited success) written through a slew of spirals. i finally recently compiled it all together to see if i could anything with it. not surprisingly, i could, but again, it was with limited success.
i can think of a few reasons. i dont really keep a journal anymore since graduating. i did the majority of my writing in school. so im sort of out of my rhythm. im not really sure, when im writing, what the aim is, where its going, so it doesn't, or it goes about a thousand directions at once and i lose track and get lost. there's not much motivation. or atleast not a specific, common motivation. there hasn't really been one of those moments where i have to grab a pen and paper as fast as i can. sometimes, but its fleeting and rare.
im not afraid i've lost it or anything. this has happened before. its just frustrating. it brings a sense of satisfaction that isn't really comparable to anything else to be able to write something i think is good. i've got at the very least thirty workable...pieces of prose that i just can't finish, and hundreds of fragmentary lines and pieces on top of that.
my only motivation at this point is knowing that when it finally happens it will have been worth the wait. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 23rd, 2007|05:26 pm] |
ok.
why is everyone so fucking stupid?
its like as bad off-no, scratch that, as well off as im NOT, anyone who is further ahead of me is, well, somewhere i'd rather not be. a dead end path.
marriage, moving in together (and before someone decides im being judgemental, im talking about people who cant even stand their partner)
i dont even remember where i was going with this now.
i've been called a "people pack rat" by a "fucking idiot" but to some extent its true. i live in a world in which everyone i know is next door to me. i've never moved, and i figure no one else will either. we're neighbors, so i dont have to see or talk to them every day, but i'd like to believe we're still neighbors, and can always pick up where we left off.
i hate small talk. i hate catch up. i hate change.
i'd like to believe that when i begin to fall out of touch, that touch can easily be reconnected, and im finding out im wrong.
this group of people i've had for the last several years, some of whom are related to each other, and some that aren't, i guess i've expected to always be there.
except at some point after highschool that all changed. some of them moved. some of them put up fences. some went on vacations to paradise and never came home.
as profoundly sad as its made me, im increasingly profoundly indifferent.
i observe people. i observe the world around me. i observe pop culture. i dont buy into it, but im aware of it, and its turned me as apathetic as everyone else.
without naming names, i think everyone is an idiot. im powerless to stop it and i increasingly realize that.
so im alone in my observation and my judgement. its not like im any better, but atleast im not any worse. maybe i should move. even just to a new street. but making friends and neighbors isn't as easy as it was when i grew up here. there was no such thing as small talk. no such thing as first impressions. none of us were defined.
i feel like i've missed out, yet i cant understand whats so great about what im missing. my neighbors all have greener grass, but maybe i'd rather grow a garden and watch it bloom.
im not sure i ever made the point in this that im trying to make.
i watch. i watch the idiots around me. now i watch my friends blend into the crowd. as much as i might like to blend in at times, i cant. i also cant stop speaking in metaphors apparently.
i simultaneously miss and hate everyone i've ever really known that i no longer know. in my world i'd like to still know them. i couldnt keep up with them all, but i thought i wouldnt have to. i didnt think they'd move. and sometimes i'd like to move. but i've always loved my neighborhood. why should i move? whats out there thats so great? clubs with black guys feeling me up? getting married to a girl i hate? living with someone i only got with to make my ex jealous just because i fear not being in a relationship? education? i can get that here.
maybe its that i've known what i wanted all my life. maybe its that i value loyalty and friendship. maybe its that i remember where i came from. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 23rd, 2007|07:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | sick, sick, sick | ] |
people annoy me to the point that i could write an entire essay based on just one sentence some stupid person said. so many things wrong, where to begin?
protecting priorities. sophomore sororities. poor minorities.
i think 5% is old currency and too generous. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 21st, 2007|06:51 pm] |
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this is not the place. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 29th, 2007|03:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  impressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | elton john | ] |
elton john. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 23rd, 2006|09:50 pm] |
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katie is on my bad side. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 14th, 2006|02:34 pm] |
i lost the people that i lost only to find most of them are completely different people and to learn i dont especially like them anymore or miss them.
what does this tell me? |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 26th, 2006|04:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
i put that last entry away in favor of a less morose, though slightly more peeved one.
i've wasted a good portion of the last two days trying to get registered for classes.
yesterday i arrived, got my advising report, got my pager, just never got paged. i waited from about 3:30 until 6:30. i believe they closed at 5. around 6:30 i decided it was fishy (fishy?) that i hadn't even been paged yet. i had heard one girl say she'd waited three hours, but she'd atleast been paged. so i strolled on over to the wonderous thunderduck hall to take a gander. i heard very little. i saw even less. absolutely no one in the waiting hall. i strolled past the hall, and peered inside the advising room. saw a few people, certainly no students. i turned the doorknob. locked.
"uh oh", i thought.
i looked around the rest of the building, i suppose sheerly to appease my curiousity. not a soul.
i returned to the advising office door and gave it a knock. the two people that were visible stared at me. a black guy came around the corner and opened it.
"um. (holds up pager.) i never got paged...and i just realized there's no one here."
his mouth turned, and he stood there shaking his head for what seemed like five minutes.
"we're closed. you'll have to come back tomorrow."
"well, okay. when?"
"..............................................................................................................................8:30."
"oh. well, what would you like me to do with this? (the pager)"
(takes pager)
needless to say i was pretty annoyed. in addition to the 3 hours spent in the heat doing nothing, its a 30-45 minute trip back and forth. and it was a friday.
so today, to make a long story short, i arrived and the line was already closed. thirty minutes early. i knew to forget about going early, because thats everyones mentality. go early, beat the crowd. but i didnt expect them to CLOSE EARLIER THAN ADVERTISED.
so im likely going to have to miss a day of work this week, provided they schedule me. i missed a day of work last week, and otherwise would have had a three hundred dollar paycheck.
fortunately or unfortunately, its past the point of normal registering, so i probably wont have much of a wait.
still, thats a third day spent there. school starts tuesday. providing i get into intro to psyche with m@, it should be a good semester. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 19th, 2006|06:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | V | ] |
i really like tom petty. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 29th, 2006|11:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  restless | ] |
the freedom to write. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 25th, 2005|09:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  wtf | ] |
| [ | music |
| | wtf | ] |
sorry i keep missing you.
still missing you
black sabbath was amazing. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 22nd, 2005|09:19 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | 4 katie | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | jay lennon | ] |
"DAVID(ISH) YOU ARE SUCH A DOUCHE.
UPDATE.
OR COMMENT.
OR EMAIL ME. SOMETHING.
UGGGHHHHHh.
!"
<3// |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 31st, 2005|03:25 pm] |
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damn i really apologize to anyone whose favorites i'm on. |
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| poetish |
[Jul. 31st, 2005|02:18 pm] |
of that which i'm certain is very little indeed
you're one of them
and every time i need you i find you hard to find
if i ever feel the need
reunite me with my heart put the pieces back together good as new
which brings me to something old
tired of it all, after all, after nothing.
no one knows the gap in the radius the letters on the pages
are perfectly proportioned
abortion anyone i knew?
how about you quit first? why stop? why start? as if i have to ask
i can't help but wonder.
returning the question one seeks several answers to bring about a change
change what you brought and it jingles from my pockets
some girl's genetic make up hip and elbows tongue and forehead milk and copper oil
juxtaposition comprised
composite
improper
put together mixed stirred and shaken
dissolved undeterred unsolved
solemn oath to provoke a coma incase of flavor dehydration
calm feel of the flower fall of the petal
in my palm relaxation
poison of the piston, a pistol in the eye
the pollen, grain beneath my finger nail
come again the stain
ground the sound of noise polluting the thoughts
seemed harmless at the time i was thoughtless
hope against hopeless for the better
for better or worse i care less for the words that describe it
int erupted with stati
crack
le
sad and apathetic it's pathetic really
all the sympathy banished
a way to go without speaking
a way to go without guilt
but it's eating me alive
like surviving off cigarettes
and just like tortured artists i have no regrets |
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| igloo |
[Jul. 31st, 2005|02:18 pm] |
thinking if ever at all alone
for the fall it seemed so easy
satisfying simple at a surprising rate
alarming statistic
the numbers don't confuse me useless
in unison everyones a critic
no need for the unique
so afraid of something it isn't
going to come it's never going to
stop when does it all end for
me and where did i get started
the hardest part about it all
accepting this gets easier to misunderstand
to undertake and hear you out
learn a lesson better off mistaken
hurt and fucked up again everything
to the sun for a ray of sunshine
a spare spine left in the open
pity no one needs it discouraging
to say the least and in time
it will shrivel and crumble in the rubble
like my bones castle of sands
cascading hands plans sans action a plot a
scheme dreamt up becoming brought
down beckoning the lull
of the gulls on the shore, come the vultures
and the purpose for living has
again become a bore |
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iwouldlikeitblu's journal